My name is Forrest, Forrest Gump.

internetexplorers:

*looks in the mirror*

what the fuck is that

babyferaligator:

YES HELLO 911 I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING AT MY OWN JOKES

urbanfuck:

urbanfuck:

urbanfuck:

anal sneezes are cute as shit

sorry iphone the word i was looking for was “animal” sneezes better luck next time

this is not what i want to be remembered for

urbanfuck:

urbanfuck:

urbanfuck:

anal sneezes are cute as shit

sorry iphone the word i was looking for was “animal” sneezes better luck next time

this is not what i want to be remembered for

kawaiians:

if i were a caterpillar i would probably emerge from my cocoon as another slightly fatter caterpillar

onedirectioncutefacts:

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

HOT AS FUCK

nuggles:

when you find a shirt you really like and wear it a couple times and it starts doing

the thing

circumcisions:

ok kids. im leaving you an essay. twenty pages. single spaced. 12 point times new roman font. one question: “where did you come from, where did you go, where did you come from cotton eyed joe” good luck this is due tomorrow

meandmrcomatose:

each year I get my dad a Toblerone for fathers day so obviously when I give it to him wrapped up he knows what it is. this year I thought I might make it a bit more difficult for him

I wonder if he’ll guess what’s inside

petcanadian:

baby powder is gods greatest creation it cleans babies asses and helps lazy white girls out when they don’t want to shower

nawsike:

they say u are what u eat, but i dont remember eating a fuckin legend

icorly:

please allow 5 to 7 business days for me to understand the joke you just made

if you dont annoy me congratulations because 98% of people annoy me